another day gone

so today i started off great until my mom brought be panera for lunch (which i specifically told her NOT to do.) ok, so theres like 700 calories down the drain. im trying to think back to what i ate but i can only remember eating the panera and like 6 of these amazing cookies my aunt brought over (im a sucker for sweets, can you tell?). i dont feel hungry at all which sucks because i always get giddy when the hunger pains come along, because that means ive lasted long enough for it to count.

we're only 3 days into winter break and i think ive watched about 6 movies. its crazy. i need something more productive to do with my time. ive been trying to apply for a passport, but that is kinda going nowhere. oh well.

ok so i realized something today. it made me really sad because i got on the scale today and it said 170. it almost made me cry. after accepting the fact that im a failure, i got even more sad because i realized that i couldnt even loose weight. i mean, everyone else (as in the ana community) looses about 20 pounds and then becomes depressed that they cant loose more weight. i, on the other hand, cant loose it to begin with. ive tried for what, 2 months now? god. i remember at the beginning of eighth grade i weighed 170. for one week i ate nothing and ran a mile every day. by the end of that week, i had lost 10 pounds. but ive gained it all back. well at least i know that i can do it. i just HATE running :[

i must go. i wanted to go to bed early tonight... guess thats not happening :[

Postly thinspo:
this is like, my all-time favorite photo. hope you like it :]