fuckin wagon

fell off the wagon. mustve eaten 1200 cals today. hopefully next week will be better because i have conditioning everyday after school.
good news is that i was 165.8 this morning. guessing back up to 170 tonight.

bad news. last night i let myself think about how much i would love for a guy to love me. then i thought about my bestfriend who went to a different highschool. then i thought of school and homework. and i kinda spiraled. ended up cutting on my hip. never done it anywhere but my wrist before. kinda scary, but i knew i couldn't have people seeing it with all the shit i have this week. ohhhhh well. hope scars wont show when i have a bathing suit on. summers a while off anyway :/

homework homework homework, how i hate you. going to bed soon if i can finish. gah.

xoxo