I just want someone to tell me im beautiful. I want someone to notice me, to tell me that im too good for ana. to tell me to stop doing this to myself, to actually give a shit about me. but im fat, so that will never happen. im a hundred and seventy five fucking pounds, and i will never be pretty. not until i am thin. not until i am good enough for society, good enough to be treated as an equal. and I will never be good enough to be treated as beautiful. this is my silent cry, my plea, for someone. anyone. how i would love to tell this to my friends, to show them this blog, to show them this post, but then they would know. and they can never know, because if your face isnt pretty then nobody cares, nobody gives a shit what you say. so if your reading this, just know that you are the only people to ever know this side of me. the side that is too fat for society, too fat for beauty. and because of that, i only have ana. and she could make my life a living hell, so ive decided to embrace her. to use her as a friend to get to the place in life where i want to be.
but for now, its killing me inside not to be cared about. and im loosing reasons to live.
x
If nobody is telling you that you're pretty, it's probably because they are too wrapped up in their own insecurities. Don't fret! I don't know what you actually look like so I can't give you absolution of particular features, but you don't look like a fangtooth fish. And at only 15, your body still has awesome developments ahead of it! Hell, some people don't actually get breasts until their mid-twenties. Besides... the things you can do! The world is at your mercy, but only if you take control and work damn hard and taking it over.
ReplyDelete