sweet sixteen

so, i haven't been doing very well here with all the food (1000-1500 cals/day meals) but i've been watching myself and i don't feel myself getting any bigger. i wish there was a scale here.

i've decided that i'm going to put myself on track to be 120-110 by june, when school lets out. i really want a bellybutton piercing and i've been looking into getting one, but my mother is dead-set against it. i'm going to see if she'll let me get one for my sweet 16 though. it's a gamble.

so by march (my birthday) i want to be 140, because then my BMI will finally be "normal" (it's been in the "obese" range my entire life). assuming that i'm still 175, that means i have to loose 0.4 lbs/day to make it. 0.4 lbs=1,400 cals, and my BMR is 1600, so that's basically like 200 cals/day. i think i might just follow the skinny girl diet because i had some good results with that. i just have to remember to keep drinking water so that i'm not fooled by just loosing water weight.

lets see...

egg whites (3) (51 cals)
toasted bread (40 cals)

lunch, nothing

after school snack:
green tea smoothie (85 cals)
(green tea, blueberries, lemon)

dinner:
romaine salad (10 cals)
soybeans (? cals)

total: ~186 cals

i got a single-cup blender for christmas for making smoothies. i'm definitely going to start having breakfast smoothies more. i need to find a way to incorporate caffeine into them, though. normally i drink coffee in the mornings but i probably wouldn't if i were to have a smoothie. my problem is i want to find a way to incorporate caffeine and protein into a breakfast shake. i have vanilla flavored whey protein that i often have after cheer practice, but i feel like combining vanilla whey protein with green tea (caffeine) would taste a little weird for a breakfast shake. plus i love eating toast & egg whites in the morning, but the combined calories between those and coffee are just too much.

do you guys have any good smoothie ideas? any favorites? :]

xoxo

day 2

scale says: ???

breakfast:
nothing

lunch:
pear (45 cals)
2 slices veggie pizza (?? cals)
diet snapple (0 cals)

junk food:
chocolate covered pretzels (3) (375 cals)
sugar cookies (3) (120 cals)
pound cake (100 cals)
chocolate truffle (105 cals)

exercise (-150 cals)

total so far: 595 cals

couldn't resist the pound cake, or the chocolate covered pretzels. i feel like such a fat ass (which i am). but i did work out and burned off a little. the machines in the gym here at the hotel are amazing, and i'm pretty sure if i restrict tomorrow i can burn it all off :]

i feel like such an awful sister. I totally forgot to get a gift for my sister. i'm going to make her a coupon book with little things like "1 free pass to watch a baby show when i want to watch normal television" (i hate baby shows) and "1 free pass to squish a spider" (she's f-ing terrified of them) or "1 free baking pass" for when she needs something baked for school the next day, and i'll bake it for her. i feel like that's not enough though. i want to to get her a hallmark card, but i have no idea where there is a hallmark in myrtle. grrrr. plus i left all my money at home so my mom will have to buy the card for me (uggh). i feel so shallow.

holiday, day 1

so we arrived in myrtle beach today. i definitely binged on all the food my grandparents bought, but i've decided that i'm NOT going to let myself go and gain weight this week. I did that last year and gained about 10 pounds, and not to mention that i became severely depressed soon after.

so i made myself a list of reasons why i will not eat the fatty, sugary foods that we have down here:

1) Nicky lost weight, so the next time I see him, I want to be beautifully thin as well and awe him.
2) I want to be thin so that I can feel small in comparison to Nate, who is totally ripped (and probably won't go out with a fat girl anyway)
3) I want to continue to make my goals so that I will be my perfect weight when summer comes
4) I need to make my goal of 100 lbs so that i can get my BELLY BUTTON PIERCED. (before summer, yes? :])
5) i want to be thinner than my best friend (who just happens to dance ballet)
6) i want to be thinner than my sister (who does crew)
7) I want to lose 70 lbs by summer and see the looks on people's faces who haven't seen me in a long time and still remember me as "that heavy girl"
8) i never want my thighs to touch. ever. again.

btw, there's no scale in the condo. does anyone have another method of adequately weighing yourself without one?

xoxo

holiday is imminent

scale says: 171.4 (-2.9 lbs)

sorry i haven't been blogging lately. if you don't see a blog update from me in a while, check my stats box/ticker. i'll keep updating my weight :]

really busy with school and holiday. been trying to stick to the skinny girl diet, weight went back down to 171.4 :] i've calculated that to be the weight i want to be over the summer i have to loose .5 lbs/day. easy enough with a 500 cal diet. i'm just really worried about not getting my body the right nutrients. i want to stay pretty and healthy, and i do NOT want loose skin when i loose my 70 lbs :] taking off weight is pretty easy for me if i restrict, but i don't really see a difference because i'm loosing muscle mass, not fat. and loosing muscle is going to make cheer a lot harder as well. oh well. we'll see.

leaving for myrtle beach tomorrow. haven't packed yet. scared to death i'm going to gain weight.

i have to be 169.9 by the 27th<3

xoxo

failure

Skinny Girl Diet
day 7

scale says 174.3 (+2.0 lbs)

breakfast:
nothing (0 cals)
TOTAL: 0 cals

lunch/holiday party:
macaroni
chips/gauc
hershy kiss/pretzel/m&m
sprite
orange crush
apple cider
fudge flies
chocolate straw
carrots/helluva good dip
roll
TOTAL: fghjgbyuki cals

dinner:
nothing (0 cals)
TOTAL: 0 cals

DAY TOTAL: too many cals (limit 650)

ate too much at the holiday party, don't really want to tally it up. gained two pounds from yesterday's binge, probably gained more today. god i hate myself so much.

now i have to go do a shitload of homework for school tomorrow. one more week till holiday.

i want a boyfriend so badly.

xoxo

success

Skinny Girl Diet
day 6

scale says 172.3 (-2.1 lbs)

breakfast:
vitamin water (87 cals)
vitamin water zero (0 cals)
TOTAL: 87 cals

lunch:
chipotle burrito (755 cals)
TOTAL: 755 cals

snack:
pretzel/hershey kiss/m&m (1) (35 cals)
hershy kiss (2) (44 cals)
pretzel/m&m (10) (100 cals)
TOTAL: 179 cals

dinner:
diet cheerwine (0 cals)
TOTAL: 0 cals

DAY TOTAL: 1021 cals (limit 650)

yeah, today was a big binge day. i was only planning to eat 1/2 of the chipotle burrito (which would only be ~377 cals) but then i went into binge mode and couldn't stop eating. i literally went into a food coma afterwords and could do nothing but lie on the couch my stomach hurt so much. i started thinking about purging and how badly i wanted to purge at that moment, but my entire family was in the house and would surely hear. i also was not planning on snacking so much when i made more pretzel/hershy kiss/m&m things for a holiday party i have tomorrow. speaking of the holiday party, i have no idea what i'm going to do. there's going to be junk food everywhere and we're eating lunch there. i'll probably have to look up calories on my phone. uggh.

this morning before my binge my mom walked into the kitchen and told me that i looked skinnier. i'm really upset because even though i have lost a little over 10lbs i still can't see a change and SHE thinks i'm getting smaller, which means she's going to start asking about my eating habits more.

i'm frightened of stepping on the scale tomorrow. im trying to enjoy the days where i lose a pound per day before my weightless shrinks to the fractions of a pound, and if today's binge makes me gain weight i'm going to be so upset.

xoxo

awkward eating

Skinny Girl Diet
day 5

scale says 174.4 (-1.1 lbs)

breakfast:
coffee+creamer (120 cals)
TOTAL: 120 cals

lunch: nothing
TOTAL: 0 cals

snack:
chocolate chip cookie (85 cals)
hershey kisses (4) (92 cals)
provolone cheese (1 slice) (90 cals)
TOTAL: 267 cals

dinner:
diet cheerwine (0 cals)
pickle (0 cals)
TOTAL: 0 cals

DAY TOTAL: 387 cals (limit 450)

it's incredible how munchies can add up so fast. i was very excited to have a good dinner tonight because i thought i hadn't really eaten anything else during the day, but it turns out i only had 63 calories to spare so i just skipped. that sucks. on a positive note i can't believe i lost 1.1 lbs since yesterday! it seems too true to believe, and i know it wasn't just water weight. the skinny girl diet really seems to be working, especially when my body was used to 1600-2000 calorie diet (yuck). have you guys tried SGD? how much did you loose?

xoxo

holidays

Skinny Girl Diet
day 4

scale says 175.5 (-0.3 lbs)

breakfast:
coffee+creamer (120 cals)
TOTAL: 120 cals

lunch: nothing
TOTAL: 0 cals

snack:
pickle (0 cals)
pretzel/hershykiss/m&m (6) (200 cals)
TOTAL: 175 cals

dinner:
2/3 cup scalloped potatoes (100cal)
tofu chicken strips (2) (73 cals)
1/2 green beans (15cals)
TOTAL: 223 cals

DAY TOTAL: 553 cals (limit 500)

so-so day. was doing amazing until i made those awesome pretzel/hershykiss/m&m things.



...aaaaand then i ate five of them. ech. i'm just really worried about holiday that's coming up. we're going to the beach to be with my dad's side of the family and they always have junk food everywhere all the time. i'm talking krispy kreme doughnuts, cookies, chocolate covered nuts, eggnog, sugared pecans, white chocolate pecans. it's bad. i gained so much weight last time that i practically became suicidal (no joke). i'm going to have to learn how to cope, restrict, and exercise it all off (the hotel has a gym).
it's terrible because i'm going to be watched by everyone about what i eat, especially by my mother. if they offer me food and i don't eat it it's kind of an insult. so i have no idea what im going to do.

skinny girl diet

i woke up today and was like "oh, ill eat something." the stuffing of my face continued until i got home. uggh.

Skinny Girl Diet
(starting on day 3=wednesday)

breakfast:
1 egg + butter (~110 cals)
1/2 glass OJ (50 cals)
coffee + creamer (~120 cals)

TOTAL: 280 cals

Lunch:

french fries (128 cals)

catchup (25 cals)

TOTAL: 153 cals

Snack:

3/4 cup white rice (153 cals)

TOTAL: 153 cals

DAY TOTAL: 586 cals (limit 400)

i wasn't making the smartest decisions today. forgot to weigh myself this morning but will definitely remember to tomorrow. i'm going to go walk off 186 cals on my treadmill and hope to god we don't have a sit-down dinner so that i can flush my food down the toilet.

xoxo
p.s. this pic again because i love it so much and this is exactly what i want to look like :]]]

hello world, i'm back

long story short: got sick, lost weight, became determined to loose some more.

cw: 175.8

meal plan for this week:
Breakfast-
"diet" toast (40 cals) + 1tbsp or 1/2 tbsp Nutella (100/50 cals)
1/2 glass orange juice (50 cals)
TOTAL: 190

Lunch:
Grilled cheese (2 slices bread = 80 cals, slice cheese = 45 cals, total = 125 cals)
Romaine salad (10 cals)
hard boiled egg (just whites, 17 cals)
TOTAL: 152

Dinner = 1/3 of whatever my family is eating (<500 cals)

BMR= 1600cals/day

just want to loose some of this weight.
i've got a crush on this one guy who i haven't seen since last year. had a couple classes together, flirted hard, but this year we have NO classes together and i never see him in the hallways or anything. i saw him after school in my chemistry room and we totally hit it off again so i deff want to see more of him. buuuuuut then there is this guy who i met over holiday and he's cute and really tall and has a BRITISH ACCENT (ohmygodiknow) and he is like totally in love with me, but he's an eighth grader (yeah i know. me = sophomore). its a little weird, but i find myself crushing on him at the same time. he invited me ice skating. i still have no idea what to do. eerk.

xoxo


^^ i'm getting one when i hit 100lbs<3